I write, I write a lot about the trivial and non-trivial things in my life. From TV shows to politics to books everything affects us in one way or the other but not enough that it’s absence would cause significant damage. Thus, on low days these facts urge me to think about how I’m wasting my time writing about things no one really cares about. Am I making a difference?

I encountered that intrusive question during one of my many recent committee interviews. How are you, not your generation, but you making a different to this country and world. And well…I was dumbfounded to say the least. I, like many others, go about my day to day life very selfishly, getting that seat in the train to saving as much money possible with the least amount of effort, there’s almost ALWAYS an ulterior motive. Humans tend to only care about the people close to them or only themselves. There does come a moment or two of satisfaction, when we help a blind man get to a train compartment or when we give food to some beggars, but then again do we just do that to justify our own actions? Or to actually help.

The first thing that flashed in my mind when asked, was: no, I’m selfish, like everyone else, like most of humanity, though my lack of blatancy prevented me from saying it. Selflessness feels like a luxury only the rich can afford at times, the poorer you are generally, the more selfish you get, at least that’s how I see it.

Now, how am I making a difference though, is it that extra water I try my best to save or that climate change petition I signed the other day, is it my volunteer work or my 2 rupee cash counter donations. Do I matter? These monumental questions are generally avoided by my easily depressed side, thus I chose to do the smart thing and google them.

What I found was interesting and disturbing at the same time, some listed down a set of chores for you to do to feel like you matter, while some tried to radiate unnerving fake positivity, about how not mattering is the key. So, no matter what your take is, everyone had one common motto, that trying is the key. So, as I try and Google some more let’s all just try and be better and actually matter.