Denial of the Sub conscious


For very personal reasons, I’m going to be doing this anonymously. Mainly because these aren’t just my thoughts, these are the whole collective of the lost out there!

I’m writing this whilst listening to Coldplay because it calms me down.

We are all living in denial, denial from the truth that we cannot accept or are maybe too scared to share with anyone else. Some call it depression, some call it a ‘state of mind’, honestly I feel its just us denying ourselves or our sub conscious that the possibility of failure also exists. We have been conditioned since childhood that failure is maybe a step down or a means to know your level in the market. There are certain thoughts in my mind that sometimes I question myself if all this is really worth it? Is writing and expressing yourself worth it? Is falling in love worth it? Is graduating worth it? Maybe the answer is no, but I feel that we bring the worthiness towards it by simply making ourselves accept that we are on the right path.

Sometimes you can’t tell if you’re on the wrong path unless you fail.

I’ve personally failed several times and it has indeed knocked down my self-image. It was knocked down so many times I started to question about myself to me. That’s when you know you’ve hit the peak of failures. Imagine this, you are the complete opposite of what society dictates you should be like, you have hypnotised yourself to believe everything opposite, where failure is success, where failing means moving on, where drowning in sadness is the ideal scenario, where your worth is not defined at all. Worthlessness is the new worthiness. Imagine being in a world so powerfully driven by your sub conscious hell bent of destroying the norms set by society.

After reaching such a dual state of mind, I’ve reached the conclusion that if we, on a regular basis, deny our sub conscious just as much as we convince ourselves to be a success, we would maybe result in being a little bit happier.

Deny yourself as much as you can. In that way, you’re failing, sure. But in your own imagination, failure is the new success. Be there when the lightning strikes within, be there when the chaos begins within yourself. Be there for yourself and keep denying.

Whatever you do, don’t let go, keep failing.

Yours truly,
Every failure out there.

-Chris Martin (pseudonym)