How It Is To Feel

I felt how cold his left hand was, when it brushed past mine.
Pleasant smile, I noticed, beautiful eyes.
Our fingers leaning against each other face first,
I measured how small the fate lines on my palm were, to his.
The embrace had my ears parallel to his heartbeat,
Absorbing, soaking in the warmth radiating from the chest.

An embrace, welcoming, overwhelmed –
Yet hesitant and afraid, at once.
I noticed how his hair would always, without a mistake,
Sway aside but land back on his face,
Skin that would feel like an extension of yours, but better;
Eyes as brown as to take sunsets down,
Mixed with a hint of black and hazel.
When he would laugh, every muscle would put efforts to let it show, It would be as if he’s never known pain in his life –
And carefree was all he aspired to be.
Considerate with the pressure as he attempted to be,

I felt his arms shake as he placed himself above me.
And as I caressed his face, I found myself praying,
Hoping he didn’t throw his love around everywhere, or even the word, For I was almost envious of whoever had received it first.

On a plea to draw the curtains,
He assured me it was only us there, by ourselves, just him and I.
The drapes blocked the world outside,
Painting the room blue with it.
He said it was his favourite colour,
So much, he had sectioned his wardrobe, one that was all blue;
And a part of me couldn’t help but notice
That a part of his heart was too.
And as we lay, sharing stories of the past,
Tearing up a little,
Hugging and confessing how much our mothers meant to us,
Singing out of tune the lyrics we had long forgotten,
I couldn’t help but feel as whole as a meadow under the sun.
It was an almost forgotten feel, so much that it was almost scary when he said he’d stay, That of course, he would,
And I believed him.
To feel like a burden was one thing,
But being carried around on his shoulders around the house and somehow knowing, That you won’t be dropped was another.
Unusual, seemingly perilous. But warm.

The hours went by faster than it ever had in a while,
And it was time for me to go.
I found myself wishing the goodbye kiss would linger on some more, And that the happy on my face wasn’t as noticeable as it felt.
As I watched the road rewind behind me,
Wind in my hair, all smiles,
I tried remembering the last time I felt this way.
I wanted to promise to myself –
No sighs, this time.
But the fear lingered on,
Because for a generation that never feels enough,
I was afraid I was feeling too much

And I didn’t want to let it go.

-Sneha Nath