Avengers is what their super-‘things’ make of them…be it the shield of Captain America or the suits of Iron Man or the Hammer of Thor…
But what’s it like to have the Hulk mode on…
And to have the personal experience of that every month?
Well, I am sure by now at least all the girls and maybe some of the guys may know what I mean!
This is my sob story…I, Ana, can tell you how painful it might be for Hulk to just turn green.
Well, there are days of a month when even I feel like turning green! Girls may be cute as a teddy or hot and sexy but the fierce of all is when they have their Hulk mode on!
When their mood swings from the North pole to the south and one wrong word leads to World War 3,4,5,6…and counting!
When nights in bed be like an alert soldier on a mission…ramrod straight and morning be like…Oh My God (cue Janice from the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. show).
When mornings in the ad shows are as cheerful as a kid high on candy but let me tell you reality sucks!
And let me tell you I may have the best boyfriend, girls! If your bf cringes at the sounds of P, dump him now! He isn’t worth it. If it isn’t Kisses, and I mean Hershey’s Kisses and hot chocolate and breakfast in bed and as many compliments about how you look super cute in your bed hair and flannel pajamas, then show him the door and make sure it hits him on the way out!
I’ve had a bad week. Scratch that, I’ve had the suckiest week possible and even though it’s Friday and school will be over in an hour or two, I feel like I’ve been enduring this torture for eons. See, I’d been living the dream recently, what with Ted in my life and all. He is the perfect, perfect most attentive boyfriend (which I’m pretty sure he is) you could ask for. The fact that even he failed to cheer me up just makes the situation all the more worse.
It ‘that week’; you know the one where you want to chop off everyone’s head with a blunt axe? I have major abandonment issues, and my mother’s blatant dropping out of my life has just fuelled those insecurities to a point that I think I’ve become psychotic. I’ve taken a leave from a job I only have to go to twice a week. I haven’t been paying attention in class, and ditched a girl’s night with Brin and Tria. No one’s pushing me though; they all know what’s wrong with me. I’m glad that they are so understanding, especially Ted. He understands what I’m like during what he refers to as my ‘lady time’ and gives me the space I so desperately need but I’m indefinitely worse this time.
With that thought, I slam my locker shut and basically stomp my way to the last class of the day. Joy, it’s the one I share with Nikki the hoe bag, my ex best friend turned she-devil. If she so much as looks at me in the wrong way today, I’ll pull those extensions right out of her skull. My hormones and I have had too much of her brooding and glaring, it’s time to move on sister.
"Hey" Ted says tentatively as if he’s testing the waters. I’m not a shark, though I might beacting like one. It bothers me that I’m so completely crabby right now but then I can’t even attempt to act differently. I give him a small smile that takes every ounce of willpower in my body and begin digging out my Economics books. We sit at the very back, but Ted helps me with my notes. We’re a good team and ever since we’ve started studying together, my grades have skyrocketed. I should be grateful for that but right now I’m just mad that I can’t see the whiteboard and that my teacher is too lazy to speak just a little louder. Then I see Nikki right up in the front and I want to strangle her with a barbed wire.
I really could use some Cadbury Silk right now; these violent thoughts can’t be normal.
The lesson goes by in a hurry and my notebook remains empty. I doodle a little in the corners, watch the clock some more and ignore the fact that Ted’s staring at my profile. I’ll just copy his notes, it doesn’t matter. Right now, I just want to go home and hole up for the weekend. When the bell rings, I’m the first person out of the seat.
"Ana, wait" Ted calls from behind me, quickly shoving his own books into his Nike
backpack which he slings onto one shoulder. My god, he looks so good doing that. I’m blindsided by how beautiful he is, let’s just blame the crazy hormones. People say you get butterflies when you look at someone you have feelings for but then there’s me. One look at him and it’s like the freaking Jungle Book in my stomach. He sweeps a hand through his hair, messing it up and catches up with me looking adorably concerned.
"I’m still giving you a ride home today right?"
I nod, feeling a bit guilty. This morning I’d opted to ride with Tria instead of him just because I felt particularly catty. Tria knows how I get since she’s somewhat like the Hulk during her own ‘week’. We have a silent understanding over how terrible our mood swings are so it makes sense that we try to spend as much time together as possible, just to spare others of the horror. Brin avoids us like the plague during those days and rightly so. For all her intimidating boots and eyeliner, she’s as mellow as a hippy all year round.
But I can’t push Ted away anymore since he looks sort of hurt. I haven’t been myself all week and have been taking out all my anger on him. If there’s one thing I should be able to do, it’s to act like a human being for the sake of the guy I’m in love with.
"Yeah, if you don’t mind."
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind and then nudges my shoulder with his as we walk hand in hand down the halls.
"I won’t mind it, that’s the farthest thing from how I’d feel Anniee."
Leaning my head on his shoulder, we walk to his car and I strap myself in. So far so good, no more Hulk moments. I can totally do this, yes hormones you are going down. Watch me take you down like a bitch. I am the master of my own fate, the captain of my soul.
We’ve been studying some hardcore Henley in class; it’s bound to mess with my head.
"What are you doing this weekend?" He asks as he places his free hand on my jean clad thigh. He’s always doing this and it does all kinds of weird, tingly things to me. I want to super glue his hand at that very spot and never let him move. He’s a salve to all my anxiousness and nerve-wracking mood swings but then my emotions are the most heightened when I’m around him. That’s why I’ve been trying to avoid him so much this week. Yes, he gives me the highest highs but one wrong word from him and I end up having a mini melt down in the girl’s bathroom.
"I’m not sure, staying in I guess."
Actually, I have it all mapped out in my head. As soon as Ted drops me home, I’ll gather the necessary supplies such as Chocolate ice-cream, Cadbury Silk, plenty of those nachos and string cheese. Then I’ll take out the most comfortable blanket I have and snuggle up into my oldest onesie. After that I’ll spend my weekend with McDreamy. Tria gave me a boxed set of Vampire Diaries seeing as how I usually fast forward to any scene which might have Joseph Morgan in it. She so gets me.
"And you’re sure you don’t want me to come check-up on you?"
"I’ll just bring you down as well. It’s okay Ted, I’ll survive. You should have some guy time."
"I was going to talk to you about that. Some of my friends from military school are in town for a couple of days. I told them I’d come see them so I’ll be leaving today and coming back on Sunday."
He’s watching me, waiting for a reaction. I don’t know how to feel, isn’t this what I want? I want to be left alone until I won’t majorly mess us up. This is good, this is exactly what we need but then why do I feel like he just hit me with a sledgehammer?
I’m aware that we’re parked outside my house now. But I just sit there, wallowing in self pity for some god dang reason. I’ve become unhinged, completely and it’s making me self destruct. The urge to get mad and throw a tantrum is strong. Out of whack hormones are all of a sudden too much for me to take. He’s leaving too, probably to have a wild old time with his delinquent friends. There will be girls too, hot, tattooed, edgy biker chicks that have piercings in places I shudder to think about. Before I know it, he’ll be hooking up with someone called Yolanda or something and telling me to take a hike because I’m not badass enough for him.
"Fine, go, have a great time." The sarcasm pouring out of my mouth stings even my own ears but I can’t stop. Grabbing my backpack, I scramble out of my seat and slam his car door shut. He’s getting out too, from what I can hear and every noise he makes is grating at my nerves.
"Whoa, hold up. Did I do something wrong?"
I clench my teeth. Why? Why are boys so clueless? Does he not know that it is a terrible idea to even look at me right now? I’m ready to explode, desperately in need of chocolate and all but want to crawl into a hole in the ground. This is not a conversation we should be having right now.
"Please just go away. I don’t want to talk about it."
"No, I’m not going to go away. I get it Anniee; it’s been a tough week because of your other stuff." His faces flushes as he mentions that and I want to die. I cannot believe I’m discussing me period with Ted. Oh God, someone shoot me, please just shoot me.
He continues, not really aware of my discomfort, "But you can’t just shut me out. I’m not letting our first fight be about something as stupid as this."
"By all means, don’t let me and my stupidity stop you from having fun Ted. Go; do
whatever you want just leave me alone." He grips my arm when I try to leave and I’m just about to unleash some major fury when Evans walks into the porch. I assume he heard us fighting, or rather me being a complete nightmare.
"You should just leave man. It’s best to listen to her when she’s like this."
He looks apologetic and that’s when I realize how neurotic I’m acting. I mean if even my brother is forced to apologize to Ted on my behalf then it must be bad right?
"I’m so sorry!" I cover my mouth with my hand and push past them both, stomping up the stairs and into my room. Falling face first into my bed, I try holding in all the pent-up emotion but I’m not quick enough. A frustrated scream leaves my mouth as I punch my pillow repeatedly. I will not cry, I will not cry, chanting the mantra like it would actually help.
It doesn’t help. I cry.
Changing into a pair of ratty old pajamas, I wobble like a duck into the kitchen. My head feels like it weighs a ton and my eyes sting. Couple that with the monthly curse and I am the picture of misery. I feel slightly better when I smell a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. It’s Evans, he’s bent over a pot and stirring it constantly. It looks like he’s making his world-famous chilli and instantly I start to salivate.
"Hey," I mumble feebly as I take a seat on the counter.
He gives me a sad smile and puts the lid on the pot, lowering the heat. He comes and sits by me, slinging an arm around my shoulder and I place my head on his. It’s comforting and I close my eyes, letting myself unwind for the first time in days.
"How’re you feeling?"
"Like I was run over by a tractor."
"Okay." "Oh, and Ana?"
"Call Ted, will you? He’s been bugging me all day."
At 10 in the night I find myself in front of the Ted’s door. I have no idea what I’m going to do but what I do know is that I have to, have to be near Ted right now. He didn’t leave, Evans told me so. He’s been checking up on me all day and I feel so bad for treating him the way I did. Even worse than the guilt is how much I crave his presence. It’s insane, like someone ripped me into two and took the other half away. He needs to know that I’m an idiot, a stupid girl who is in way over her head with him and sometimes doesn’t know what to do with her over the top emotions.
The L-word is on the tip of my tongue. I want to shout it from the rooftops; I want to have it tattooed across my forehead.