I Hate Kids

I recently started watching House of Cards, and quite obviously was blown away by the truthfulness and the sheer ruthlessness of the character portrayed by Kevin Spacey. To describe his character, Francis Underwood, he is what you get when you mix evil and intelligence. At one point in an episode, a kid running around Francis’ office at the White House accidentally spills hot coffee over Francis’ suit. He brushes off the incident with a smile on his face (obviously, because he was surrounded by people) but everyone watching the show knows that like any normal human being he is raging with anger, and wants to slap the life out of that kid for misbehaving in the White House (in 2020’s context the kid is Donald Trump, and Francis: people of US) In the next scene, Francis is shown breaking the 4th wall and confessing to the fact that he hates kids.

This ‘breaking the 4th wall’ is a repetitive sequence throughout the show, and gives the audience a glimpse into Francis’ mind. Perhaps, this segment draws inspiration from our real lives, and why wouldn’t it? Each one of us has some thoughts every single day which we keep to ourselves because they “don’t fit in the pre-determined society rules”.

“I don’t like kids, they’re very annoying and shouldn’t exist”

“I like pineapple on pizza”

“Nepotism isn’t as influential as it seems”

“Sachin Tendulkar is overrated”

“I am not fond of dogs”

“India is slowly heading towards an irreparable state of extreme case of hunger, poverty and unemployment fuelled by overpopulation and a crumbling economy”

It is hazardous to get people to agree on everything I mentioned above, but many people will agree with me on the first point. KIDS ARE MINI SATANS. When was the last time you saw a movie in a theatre at peace? When was the last time that your flight didn’t have any baby crying at 5000 dB? When was the last time you went shopping and a random annoying kid was ruining the experience by running around in circles non-stop? When was the last time something personal/important was ruined/broken just because the kid was stupid?

Babies either grow up to be a comforting/satisfying presence or an annoying presence. The moment a kid develops the ability to speak and walk, is the moment parents lose hope. There is probably not a single parent out there who will admit that the early part of parenthood was something they cherished fully. I will prove this to you.

Take any set of parents. If their kid is aged 0-4, you will find them to be sleep deprived, tired, and out of energy at any given time of the day. If their kid is aged 5-9, they probably are relieved a little as the kid is now the school’s responsibility for 1/3rd of a day. The rest they somehow manage while the kid asks them the millionth weird question of the day. The lockdown has worsened the situation for parents. The most difficult part of any working parent nowadays is not their professional life, it is finding a suitable spot where they can work peacefully without the Satan intervening every 5 minutes.

Enough about parents though. Why do I personally hate kids?

  1. Constantly annoy you with questions (they already have the answer)
  2. Have no social sense and filter
  3. Noisy
  4. They never answer you properly and neither do they listen to you
  5. Have the potential to destroy anything precious (your will to live, your patience, your laptop, your phone)

To conclude, kids are just bots with enhanced intelligence. Atleast bots do what you want them to do. 🙂